i just used my scantron for my final to make paper shotglasses. i'd say i passed in flying colors.
hey did i steal that bike before or after the ball dropped, casue i might have broken my resolution already
is cock-oriented a word? I'd say I'm that lately.
Sorry for my penis texting you last night, I can't control what he wants at 4am.
They only knew me as the lesbian that passed out in a bathtub. That's not what you call friendship.
Dude. I only took a 20 out the ATM last night. How do I have 83 ones?
You stole from the strippers again. I wish I was ninja like you
Get here, there are important joints to be smoked and pies to be eaten
Oh hey. I left my beer there. Beer is more important than my pride. I want to pick that up.
God fucking bless the man who invented the vibrator. Bless him and all his descendants. I think I saw the face of God tonight
I'm so jealous of your sex life. You know it's awesome when thinking about the sex you had last night brings you tears of joy.
So I fucked a guy with his mouth wired shut last night never thought id cross that off my imaginary bucket list
Plus we had to have sex before the game because there is a good chance we won’t be speaking for the rest of the week. #ironbowl
You could cut the tension with my nipples.
I haven’t been this excited since I found out they sold cases of Jack Daniels.
It's been a week I should not still be finding glitter in my pants.
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