I just counted my steps so I know when you start looking for you on my way back from the bathroom
You know how us drunks love counting steps
he referred to my room as the tit cave...
I'm talking like I woke up and her bra was spinning around caught on my ceiling fan
My poo smells like dog food. That's how I know it was a good night.
Vegas is awesome. Its like you have a kentucky accent girls automatically assume you don't have herpes.
We really need to stop competing to see who can get more drunk, and I REALLY need to stop winning.
does she really think making her boyfriend delete me on facebook is going to magically stop us from hooking up?
I got shot at today. If that doesn't get me at least a blow job I give up working on the south side
We had to take the hinges off the bathroom door. Needless to say, you are no longer welcome at that bar
I started dipping tositos in my screwdriver last night
then apparently I went "not bad" and continued
I'm willing to share. He can have sloppy seconds.
Actually here it's more "lie around naked in a dark room" weather.
My favorite part was when you kept telling everyone you were being "green" by drinking straight out of the bottle so u weren't wasting a cup.
Change the sheets & put your dick in the dishwasher. I'll see you in an hour.
He's got a big dick, a steady job and tells me I'm pretty. There is litterally nothing else I look for I a guy.
Randomize
