do you know how bad I want you right now?
As bad as i want you to stop texting me?
is that a hint?
My phone auto-corrects smirnoff to poisoned. I think it is trying to tell me something.
New thing to add to the list of never wanted to talk about with my grandma: sweating in ur crouch and vag area
never let anyone you met on skype borrow your car. lesson learned.
You totally narrated your dogs thoughts for 2 and a half hours last night, and I was enthralled. I didn't say one word, I just listened.
Going to a jewelry store high is not a good idea. I look like mr.t's wife.
i feel like an archaelogyst. im pulling apart last weeks brownies to find the weed in them
The guatemalans kept making all these sexual suggestions ... With the corn
and you wish you could be eating a cookie right now. but all you get to eat is a penis
I was preparing to do my walk of shame shirtless, but then I found my sweater, wallet and keys neatly piled under a tree in the park.
Well, I watched a girl proposition a shit ton of people, try to take a cocktail waitresses job and then proceed to walk into a wall. Damn, I'm a little jealous.
You had sex with a mute, how is that not funny
It's been 12 hours since I have heard from you and social media has given me no indication you are anything but dead, so that's what I'm going with.
fucked him on the porch to avoid the chanting that always happens when we leave the bedroom. backfired when a group of freshman walked by and started screaming like fucking babies.
so in 24 hours i have gotten caught having sex in my car by a cop, almost burnt off my vag, almost got hit by a semi, and got fired. awesome.
Randomize
