you know i think I know why you are single...because you are real cute but then you open your mouth and let words come out and all goes to hell.
his dad told me thanks for making his little boy a man at breakfast this morning
you texted me last night and told me you couldn't find the toilet.
That explains the puddle of pee in my closet.
It's official. I'm a squirter. Wasn't a one time thing.
do you have any idea how expensive it is to have the munchies at Disneyland?
I need to keep friends like you around just in case hell grades on a curve.
Check that he is NOT ok. He just heated up SoCo and used it as syrup on his pancakes.
At least one of us had a weekend full of money and dick
Yeah. I couldn't figure out why my toes hurt. Apparently, the guy I was dancing with, kept running them over with his wheelchair.
The other day, he sent me a snapchat of his dick in the forest. He captioned it "nature nudes."
I left her alone for a few minutes and she's already using a guy on his hands and knees as a chair while another guy is serving her margaritas.
If sex isn’t mentioned at least three times at the dinner table, I’m not interested...
Two questions: Did you enjoy your birthday present and how did i wake up with glitter all over my dick?
You don't make any sense
TEQUILA
No, I told him I was busy again this weekend. Eventually he’ll learn. Plus, absence makes the cock grow harder
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