You made me cry and you don't even care
I used a bag of wine as a pillow last night.
we just ha sex. he lasted two minutes. i told him to leave because i had class
isnt today saturday?
i'm sorry i gave your brother a handjob while you were on the blanket next to us, but to be fair your back was turned.
I five year old is judging me because I just opened a bottle of Sam Adams with my teeth before 8am
KETAMINE SUNDAYS ARE SERIOUSLY FUCKING ME UP!
My vagina is not really on board with my "emotional issues"
I drunkenly took 3 laxatives last night since I felt fat.... this is going to be a rough morning
Haha yeah that's basically it. He was like "i've always had a thing for you, and even sober i still would do and feel the same way." so glad to know i am worthy of a sober hookup as well.
Got laid last night using the intro line of "rate your hurricane evacuation plan on a scale of 1-10"
I went to the obgyn with chipped nail polish.. Somewhere Beyonce was looking down, shaking her head, whispering "Not fierce."
In case you're wondering what eggs stolen from an elementary school's chicken coop taste like, delicious. Delicious is what they taste like.
she walked in on me throwing up in the sink with my pants around my ankles and I said "i'll be with you in a sec"
They won't let me buy alcohol in the airport until 9am. Super judgemental
Our livers get a hall pass for 2020, right?
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