chugging beers on the train. people are staring. I would be offended if it wasn't 8:30
Look. You've gotta stop making this about you, and make it about my vagina.
Well the strippers have danced to goo goo dolls and green day, time of your life. Were all gonna commit suicide.
i cannot be the only guy who has bought the every day with rachael ray magazine for use as porn
Nothing says I'll be 22 tomorrow like washing the vomit out of your hair at 4pm
She asked for her virginity back. I don't know what to say
Best line overheard at the bar: "This is the last time I'm shaving my ass for him...I mean we just broke up".
I just found a voice recording from Tanya's bachelorette party when we found you drunk in downtown being harassed by a crazy dude dressed like a clown and we rescued you. Attached is a voice recording of me interviewing you after we found you. I titled it Carlos Batman.
I'm hiding in the bathroom at the library but there are children here I just want to drunk cry in peace
Not only did she fulfill a life long dream of mine of banging in a library, she bought me subway for lunch. I feel like I got the best gold star ever today.
I smoked my last bong as the sun rose. It was magical.
Both guys that I'm dating were waiting for me in the parking lot after work. Literally the most awkward situation I have ever been in
its as if im in a choose your own adventure book. except im not the reader and someone else is choosing my fate...one awesome decision at a time.
You left your pants here again. 4th time in a row. How can you walk home without pants?
It's a testament to the kinds of spouses/parents we will be that we get so wasted but still show up to every class on time. We honor our commitments bitches!
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