I got so drunk I pissed the bed last night. He still likes me. He's a keeper
He is a keeper. You on the other hand are not.
So she farted while we were having sex but I was afraid she would stop because she was emberessed so i just went ahead and took the blame and apologized
I need to have sex with someone before he does. I need to win this break up!
I just had an epiphany. There is NOTHING TO STOP ME from making cake mix and eating it all instead of making a cake. It feels like my entire life has peaked at this moment.
If only guys knew how much awkward ass shaving goes into making sex this good...
So I am guessing last night was a success we are all accounted for and only 3 of us have hospital bracelets on
I hope your pay increase has gone through because I might need bail. This is not what I dreamed adulthood would be like.
Peanut butter balls.
IF YOU EVEN COME NEAR MY BALLS AGAIN I SWEAR TO GOD
So this is where people who peaked in high school come to drink?
I may, or may not have licked his face in an Applebee's.
I didn't want to hook up with him so I just jumped out of bed, yelled "I don't even believe in god!" and ran out of the room
Bringing my cat to a booty call was not my finest hour
seriously considering getting an electric blanket rather than sleeping with guys this winter for warmth.
I told him he looked like my uncle.
Why would you say that in a bathtub?
If hypothetically I needed to puke on the bus... how would I go about doing this.
Randomize
