So this girl in my math class just went to the bathroom, tampon in hand, comes back with it still in her hand starts digging around in her purse, takes her thing of birthcontrol out, goes oh fuck, and downs the rest of the pills. Got to love college.
so this guy comes in from the patio covered in puke and says "we gotta go"...Yup u need to go is an understatement
Just scrubbed my teeth for a good twenty minutes. Herpes is afraid of toothpaste, right?
You had your dick do your apologizing for you last night. Apology accepted.
Every girl my sister has brought home from college I've had sex with, check and mate motherfucker
and here comes the time of my day when I haw to convince a guy to drive my cape and my handle to my dorm.
I left when you were using your mug to lay on the street and ask for spare change
I just remember lots of butts and something about ranch dressing.
Throwing up into Nora's potty chair while simultaneously having beer shits was truly the highlight of my Christmas season.
I'm sure the lady doing my pedicure could smell the sex on me.
I mean, if there was a version of you with a penis, you'd fuck it...right? Like just outta curiosity at least
Quick question—how good are you at digging holes? I mean, besides the one you've dug for yourself. asking for a friend
I just saw your mom take a body shot off an undergrad, please tell me you're somewhere near by.
Then you fell out of your chair, looked right at me and said, "You are sooo drunk."
I don't want to be flamboyant (says the guy who bought a hot pink suit to be a flamingo for Halloween)--but I don't mind being a little extra.
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