Awesome. Ask her out.
Nope. She's got a detail of ed hardy security around her.
Nothing gets me like the O.C. theme song does.
it was like she was tryin to eat my face and i was defending myself with my mouth
if socks could get pregnant i would have catholic amounts of kids
Jason Williams (yeah the ex-nets center...) drunkenly told me that, while drinking, I should take an ambien and a cialis before i go home...that will "give me a 25 minute window to have sex and then goto sleep before the bitch starts bothering me"....
Definitely just saw a grown man at wal mart wearing high heels and carrying a baby
What the fuck were you doing at wal mart?
I'd like to apologize to your liver. It sees how much beer i drink and gets jealous of how awesome my liver is.
She spilled creme de menthe on her crotch and I told her she looked like a menstruating Vulcan (costume idea!). Obviously, I went home alone.
And I just found out I called my debit card a fast food passport so I dont deserve to live
Hey dude this is some next level no homo shit but im gonna get 2 tickets to the opera and go Hail Mary on this one girl. U take the extra ticket if i fail.
In all fairness that 65 year old man looked 23 in club lighting so you can fuck right off
You're best friend just tackled me....naked....brought me to his room where he had freshly baked cinnamon rolls. I didn't know he could cook
Well the good news of being walked in on, my mom says your tits are pretty. Then she added that hers were like that once. Fml
And here I am, playing fetch with my cat at two in the morning.
My parents left me the house for the weekend...you know what that means?!
Harry Potter marathon and no pants.
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