if you are receiving this text, you are one of the people i hate
You make shower sex sound like waterboarding
She had her underwear around her neck. No one can tell me i'm a slut now.
I don't like finding out that my fuck buddy is a good person.
Dude you were so high some kid was kicking the wall and you were convinced it was your heartbeat
you are never too drunk for berry picking
I vote for a trading skills night. You teach me to juggle, I'll teach you knife fighting, and we'll both learn banjo
I just found out who gave her jelly shots. You owe me a new mattress.
I need to stop acting like a drunk bitch. People are going to get the right idea about me...
This girl invited us back on the promise of weed and strudel...she delivered neither.
why isn't there a kind of gay where i let guys give me head but they don't expect me to give it back? i could be that kind of gay
He was that good?
I'd cum everywhere if I could have chicken nuggets right now
just passed my midterm while getting a blow job. i love going to school online
She has a bong hits for Jesus shirt. Of course I'm going to like her.
So, I gotta figure when the nurses at the emergency room noticed my new hair cut it means I'm there too often, right?
Randomize