just went home with some hot chick. she has posters of the jonas brothers in her room. i basically ran out of the house.
can't come out tonight. went to the bar again last night and the bartender hugged and thanked me so much for my "generosity." I'm intrigued but terrified to see my credit card bill.
And then he asked me why the subtitles were in Arabic. The television was off.
My fight-or-flight response is really more fight-or-fuck
Got kicked out of the baseball game with a 4 officer escort. Not bad for a monday night.
I have so much shit FLYING through my head. They're all in magic carpets and everything
The only thing worse than being hungover is being hungover and not able to open your mouth wide enough to eat a cheeseburger
I hope you realize that its not me making that decision, but rather the combination of my genitals and sexual orientation
$645 later, she's throwing up in my washroom and asking for a cab. Hooker are soooo much cheaper.
Just saw the bridesmaid use her new sister in law as a stripper pole
Goddamn it. Hes got me addicted to his penis
UPDATE: THERE IS ASS EATING. I REPEAT: THERE IS ASS EATING.
Hey now one little girl thought it was cool I was covered in blood. Apparently according to her Mom she wants to be a surgeon when she grows up
Well now I’m in the bathroom puking up absinthe so guess I beat myself up over it one way or the other
You ran outside mistaken the snow for sand and started screaming "WHERES TH BEACH"
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