also, made friends with this 75 year old millionaire Tony who likes to mosh. Don't ask.
I just came to the conclusion that the most depressing part of my day is when I have to put clothes on.
I don't plan to be alive for 2010 so ima say this 12 hours early. Happy New Year bitches
one of the cashiers from Kroger is eating at my kitchen table and nobody knows why.
Just when you think you're never going to have sex again, BOOM you're naked in bed with a guatemalan
Is it mean that I just sent him a pic of my tits with the header, "say bye bye?"
So I love how we keep introducing our friends to sex toys. It's like pay it forward vibrator edition.
YOU DID DRUGS AFTER A THREESOME WHO ARE YOU TO JUDGE ME?!!?
THE CONDOM ONLY COVERS HALF OF HIS DICK I AM IN THE BATHROOM PANICKING
And by go well you mean everyone's hammered right?
Yupp. And someone's bleeding
Im about to get a baby alligator stoned, what are you doing with your life?
hand jobs are a waste of time that only lead to arm cramps. Also, where do you look...his eyes, at the penis, at the tv?
yeah the "where to look" question is super awkward
I SHIT YOU NOT a mailman helped me leave without waking him up.
Sorry, that was mean and I didn't mean it. I'm just mad at condoms
How do I tell my boss I have slutty fantasies about him, me and his conference room table?
Randomize
