Stop everything. They have oreo straws to drink milk with and then you eat the straw. I think i just got turned on by a cookie commercial.
Then he told me I had the most beautiful looking vulva
I told her I was team Edward. I haven't gotten laid that easy since I told your sister that I had cancer
One night stand. Woke up at her dad's house. She already left for work. Shit's about to go down.
I guess it was to be expected that I was put on somebody's list called penis socket.
Either I put my underwear on inside out and wore it like that all day, or I had sex with him. Its sad I have to guess.
You told the cop at mobil to keep it real and look both ways before crossing the street.
RA chick in a Christmas onsie chased us up 5 flights of stairs. I need to stop violating guest policy
I feel like I took a shit on my life and you're rubbing my nose in it.
we should probably just go check in at the police station right now
Rub those nipples and moan like a platypus.
Jesus, are you hammered?
Hammered for that juicy ass. I'll bring the straws.
We're looking for the removeable roof from her Miata. Winner gets a 40.
today i was walking through gramercy with a dress bag from David's Bridal and a bag of McDonald's. No guy would make eye contact with me as I scarfed down my fries. I think I was mankind's walking night terror.
Where the condoms are as broken as my dreams
he told me that I'm basically going to be the mom of the house when they move in...i like to see it as being a MILF without the responsibility of real children
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