Sarah, plain, and tall I adore you
I didn't say she couldn't, I said you shouldn't.
i was unaware that anal sex sometimes ends with shit on the bed.
Not only do prius' look terrible they are terrible to have sex in
We need to rekindle our bromance
this isnt the person you just texted but i have her phone. she disappeared when the bacon came home and she hasn't returned since.
sometimes i think what itd be like to be a firework
The drugstore has summer clearance. I bought you a little mermaid bucket. Now your hangovers will feel more like childhood adventures.
She's currently celebrating her completion of "Sober October" with "Margarita Shit-Show November."
I just need to repress my desire to share my impressive chugging abilities with the world and I won't black out so much
SORRY! Pervert came out for a bit. BAD PERVERT! BACK IN YOUR HOME!
Maybe don't sell him so much adderall next time. The other day during finals he was convinced that he could see the "molecules of life in the air" and kept reaching up slowly to grab them.
Nope. Turns put my desperate group message for sex didn't work out.
Well you sent it to two guys who were roommates.
They could have rock paper scissored for it. My vagina = the prize.
FUCK YOU IM DRINKING WINE FROM A BOX
You okay there or need a ride? Maybe a straw for your box
Maybe a straw...
Do you remember what happened last night? All I could find we're phone numbers of strip clubs in Detroit. Did we go to Detroit?
Randomize
