This is the LAST time i'm accepting the excuse "tequila made me do it". Even tequila thinks buying all of nickelback's itunes singles is fucking retarded
She said she never had to courage to go fully shaved. Since when did shaving your snatch become courageous?
He walked in and put an x made out of tape on the floor. He then announced that he was going to pass out there. Cocky or strategic?
Is it bad that I was more upset about not getting the perfume he told me he had bought for me then the actual breakup?
I'm also annoyed at my horoscope for not warning me of my perils
She said her tits were too big, and he slapped her. He said that Jesus didn't appreciate bitches that fish for compliments
Was awful. Wedding photos taken by a river with used syringes floating past. Had to ask the bride to put down a can of rum to have her photo taken.
i have a feeling i am the only one who can successfully pull off the "slutty kentucky derby" look.
I was smelling my bathroom to make sure it didn't reek of weed...I spaced out and realized I was face to the wall sniffing it for 5 minutes.
Crowning achievement. I bought ranch dressing and emergency contraception.
Well, I was asked to leave the Waffle House for "being to physical" so I think that option is off the table
Wedding party came into the bar an hour ago. Mother of the bride is a stage five clinger. send help.
yo dude not sure how this happened but im drunk at your house eating burritos with your mom and sister. hope you're having fun in new zealand
she grabed my junk and started making lightsaber noises
I wonder if you could get her in a metal bikini
When she's hammered the amount of alliteration that comes out of her mouth is amazing.
Randomize
