Free body shot off of Sarah. Expires never.
Hulk Hogan has now convinced 2 women to marry him & I have yet to have a successful or healthy relationship. I am officially depressed.
So the weirdest part of it all was he whispered in my ear "can i eat you out on your tredmill?" I dont find him attractive at all anymore
Here. I am here. I do not know where here is but it includes condom balloons, a keg castle, and a shaved goat. Do not find me...I am in post blackout heaven.
This is working out surprisingly well considering it started out with us using a christmas tree as a battering ram
We're lucky we aren't prostitutes by now. Whats the etiquette for returning a pair of heels with blood on them?
I'm like a magical alcohol dispenser. I pulled this kahlua out of my vagina.
For the record you were pretending you were in a rocket when you drove from wawa to your house. So like 2 minutes of me listening to you making rocket sounds over the phone lmfao
I thought that wasn't a thing ever since she showed you her vag on the dance floor
Pretty sure my boner drove me home. Like it didn't just do the steering it was the gas and brake too..
His 12 year old sister has bigger boobs than me and now that's all I can think about when we have sex
You know you went through something intense when you actuallu applaud yourself for not shitting your pants
Oh yeah, you are a real peach except for shitting uncontrollably and bleeding out of your face.
Pretty sure that I just proved those labels that say "non-flammable" wrong. totally unrelated, We just made your futon fly with a shitload of fireworks
We're so high we're eating flavored lube.
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