Ok im wearing a joe flacco jersey and full stick on unibrow and hardly anyone else dressed up omg
Omg suz!! take the unibrow off
No! im just getting hammered instead
playing new game: drink everytime u see someone at the beach with a tramp stamp, double if u guess it before u see it, triple for male tramp stamps
warning: blackouts possible when playing in ocean city or anywhere in new jersey
Steel Reserve is the RC Cola of alcohol. It's never ok.
85% positive I just found a hair of a certain variety wayyy in the back of my mouth between two teeth while flossing.
How does me getting a new dildo make you crave olive garden
Whoever was the last to get in from the chinese firedrill had to pay the dealer.
Not sure if this is better or worse than the discovery that bourbon and hot chocolate is a viable combo
Responsible roommate: 1. Someone who takes a huge shit at work so as not to clog the toilet at home.
I really feel like I should slow down on the getting hammered. I told a bartender on "Taco Tuesday" that a $3 margarita was too expensive. And proceeded to have a $70 tab.
sooo trippy being back in town after 5 years. if you had asked me in high school who would be future coke heads, i would have been way off
I should be free tonight unless my 5 speed vibrator arrives in the mail today, than we might have scheduling conflicts.
Sorry, I gave half my brain to my thesis and the other half to mdma
It was great. Except he kept asking me to lick his butthole, I was like firm no
The kid with the ed hardy shirt put a bunch of random shit in the washer and turned it on. example: a hanger, the movie Chocolate with Johnny Depp, and your mom's cat
How are you and the lady friend?
Well, she's a lunatic, and I love sex, so we're good.
Randomize
