It only happened twice. Once we used extra virgin olive oil and once I used saliva and brute force.
he changed my name in his contacts to "rick", so his mom wouldn't know he was texting me
I miss Michael Jackson so much sometimes
please explain to me why there is a shopping cart in my living room.
You would think that an uncircumcised man would understand how the hood of a clit works.
I sat alone in Buffalo Wild Wings eating chocolate cake on Country Western karoake night. The waiter asked me if I was ok. Twice.
Amazing how you can get from "Merry Christmas" to sex in three texts.
I could have done it in 2
I'm currently being signed up to be painted nude for a college art class. ah yes best high decision ever
only i would grind with someone to harp music at a gay wedding
these are times I'm glad I'm Jewish because the Torah is just like "drink, eat, and fuck"
he went down on me to a drake song and now i think i need a penicillin shot
My sobriety has gotten out of control. I think I need an intervention.
I just found out why people like handcuffs.
So there i was right, midnight, washing my junk off in my bathroom sink.
We had sex in Lake Michigan for an hour Sunday.
Thanks for ruining an entire lake for me. I hate you so much right now.
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