any plan I had today of being a productive member of society, I am officially throwing out the window.
i'm not sure if i'm mentally prepared for this.. politeness? proper grammar? book reader ? this is a whole new meaning of the species penis for me.
This exeeds the amount of high I planned on being.
Her face is stuck to the frozen jager bottle. I think shes ok with it
She is high at the bar - she thinks the bottle of frangelico is aunt jemima telling her to stop doing drugs.
To my wonderful winter break booty calls: thank you for making this holiday season enjoyable. I look forward to seeing you boys again this summer.
I'm not saying you did or didn't sleep with him but he's has your thong hanging from his ceiling fan
How did you get him out of the shower last time?
Order Taco Bell and leave a trail of burritos leading to his bed.
it's just weird to think of you as a teacher since ive seen you throw up raspberry bacardi in my parents house
I flashed my cleaning lady and don't remember who I went on a date with. I know who I woke up with though, that counts right?
FUCK YOU AND YOUR WEAK ASS EYEBROWS
She's passed out with a slice of pizza between her boobs should I just eat it and leave
Too bad, iambic pentameter is a drunk specialty of mine.
Did you mean to say flashlight? Or did your grandpa really give you a fleshlight for your bday?
Ever been to a strip club with one stripper? I have. And she sucked.
Randomize
