Just applied online. Cant stop hiccupping. May be drunk. Hope they liked my smiley faces.
he showed up at my house with a hand-stiched sweater that said "girlfriend?"
are you just going to ignore any texts involving my penis from now on? because thats going to shut down a pretty sizeable portion of our conversations.
I feel like I'm taking part in a surprise porno. At least my hair looked good.
Either I put my underwear on inside out and wore it like that all day, or I had sex with him. Its sad I have to guess.
Too bad you can't keep me under your desk. You'd love that wouldn't you? Massages, blowjobs, and I'd be forced to be quiet all day.
I drink way too much to have a type. Last weekend I picked up a guy who calls me "baby girl"
I just want to curl up with him and brush his hair and sing love songs together, I think you should come over and end this
I like to think I'd be good at dodging genitalia.
You're the only person I know who would be upset about making out with a girl you like. You're like a drunken Charlie Brown.
I won't be able to get a boner for a month
Challenge accepted.
I was orgasming and dying of laughter at the same time. I think I've found the One.
Just laying in bed with my vibrator eating cold tortillas and listening to Savage Garden.
I gave him a HANDJOB.
But then he finished from a handjob in under two minutes so who's really laughing?
My orgasm happened in two different decades
Randomize
