I have demons in me.
so howd the 'mom i only play with condoms' conversation go?
My Nuvaring birth control makes me queef.
i walked toward the cop car thinking it was the liquor store lights nd by that time it was too late to escape the trap
The sound guy for the band told me id make a great valentines gift for his bisexual girlfriend
I put my hydrocodone prescription in my cereal box its like real lucky charms
You just said you hate yourself then sent me a picture of your friend's penis. Clearly this is a night of honesty.
dude, where are you? this beer run has taken so long i read war and peace, took a nap, and shaved 3 times.
no we have a special triathlon I'm entering us in. drinking, fucking, and sleeping. I think we have a good shot.
I lost Mario kart three times but I got laid so it wasn't the WORST night I've ever had.
You had sex with a guy who has a purple beard last night. No Molly for a while, ok?
You're supposed to discourage my sluttiness not bring me hot Colombian men
I hummed the theme from jaws while she was taking the pregnancy test....needless to say she was not pleased
We’ve discussed sex and dinner. Like chicken nuggets while doing it doggie and watching tv.
I woke up in a bathtub full of green and blue Nickelodeon slime! wtf?!
Randomize
