I can text with my tongue
i'm home, then i'll come over
ightttt gangstaaaaaaaaaaaa
nvm.
i just discovered how you can fold down the cardboard sleeve on a hot pocket. Life just got a whole lot easier.
A guy in a big stork costume just came to our meeting to give us condoms and t-shirts telling us not to get pregnant. Only at college
I just spiked the applesauce. Try to tell me again your party is better.
FYI angry masturbation is not as cool angry sex
just saw a guy driving a atv down the highway in a tux.... only in Iowa...
She's riding a tiny four-wheeler and has a Dos Equis in her hand. I at least have to meet her.
i wasn't going to tell her about the threesome but i had to explain the tree and the green paint everywhere
I feel like you guys are talking about real things and have real problems and I'm just over here like 'should I take muscle relaxers or get drunk tonight?'
By the end of the first quarter he was so hammered he was pouring beer into the crockpot with the miniature hot dogs and BBQ sauce saying he loved the supper bowl and he loves taking mini weinies to the face
I dunno what's worse, the fact that I hooked up with a guy that shaves his armpits or that I didn't notice until he brought it up the next day
I can't tell if this is a hangover or just a perfect combination of shame and regret
He flipped me around so that we could have sex and both watch Die Hard... I think I found my sole mate. Merry Christmas to me!!🎄
Isn't it funny how we're still best friends after that incident with the old lady in the bathroom
You fucking bailed on me. But I love you still
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