I swear she didn't look like that last week.
he kept looking at my chin until i asked why, then he just said he was making sure his balls didnt leave a mark.
it hurts more in the daytime
Whatever. They have the same name, so it's not even cheating. It's brand loyalty.
We've got 2 weeks of college left-I want to feel like Gary Busey by graduation.
Found a pic of me suckling your nipple at the bar. Safe to say you don't want this one tagged?
We were making condiment sandwiches, then her husband kept trying to get me to sleep with her. I hate being the only lesbian at the party.
I came back and almost ran over two people passed out in my driveway I've never met before in my life
I broke out the Krispy Kreme, and am possibly having random internet sex in less than an hour. I think I got this breakup under control.
Why did you just send me a picture of your dinner?
CAUSE LOOK HOW MUCH SPAGHETTI I'M EATING
Why is there puke in my guitar?
Because you puked in your guitar.
So I'm trying to figure out how to talk my boss into allowing pajama day once a week. Any ideas?
The good news is I woke up fully clothed, on top of my covers, with a half eaten granola bar. So, breakfast was waiting for me and I’m already dressed and ready to go today.
Guess who just set half their backyard on fire.
Please tell me youre joking.
Nope. on the brightside though, im really gonna quit smoking this time.
There way too many people in that club who have had their dick in me
Randomize
