My grandmass entire neighborhood is over for dessert and i'm high as fuck...about to make a couple of freshman boys real uncomfortable
Freshman in high school? Just your type
He lasted like 30 seconds. With a condom. I just expected more from the president of a frat.
found a naked boy completely buried under a pile of her clothes and terrified...she says she was "saving him for later"
I took my vicodin with tequila. I can FEEL gravity...
you two really need to work out your issues. my vagina can't handle another week of your pent up frustrations.
Pretty sure I was rubbing Halloween candy all over my face and saying "these are my bitches."
The only way I can describe this shit is male aloe vera plant in both looks and feel its standing in the toilet
Thanks for that....my girlfriend picked up my phone and saw that
So the dude who sold me my english book is the same guy who let me punch him in the face in exchange for a cig at a party a few weeks ago. small world huh ?
This wouldn't be the first time my boss has seen me topless
you just have the mind of an innocent, non-tainted child.
YOU KNOW THAT'S BULLSHIT BECAUSE YOU'RE THE REASON IT'S BULLSHIT
literally took my pants off in the middle of bourbon last night without taking off my heels im a super human i guess
I want to eat a stick of butter
Did your pain meds kick in?
It tastes nice
She's so high she just screamed into the pile of takeout boxes "which one of you gave me diarrhea"
The vodka gummy bears are so strong. If I die of alcohol poisoning, please tell my dad it was single malt scotch.
He still want's to kick my ass for fucking his sister, probably a bad idea to leave the bar with his ex...
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