She said as long as i don't wake her up she doesn't care what hole i use.
Got yourself a keeper right there.
hooked up with a girl who spoke elfish last night..what up 8th grade lord of the rings fantasies
It's nice to sit in the library and see the progression from freshman pledge to 6th year coke addict all at one table. Gotta love sororities
It's my birthday, I plan on masturbating and boating, maybe even masturbate on the boat.
while we were dancing I voluntarily took my bra off and hung it around his neck as a necklace. 2011 lets go
Thank you for getting us into that car accident. I have had more guys hit on me than ever before because of my broken fingers.
Alright I don't know how you'll link it to me but yes I left a nearly empty 12 pack on your trunk
To the person who left a cup of vomit in the bathroom: I commend you for your aim but you are dead to me- not an ideal birthday present.
There was an ice luge. Lets just leave it at that.
When his Irish accent comes out my uterus hums. Or some productive organ down there, I'm not sure of the logistics
Your ankle brace is here and the saw is charged. Grab some vodka that cast is coming off tonight.
OMG OMG OMG DID YOU KNOW THERE ARE MINI CHOCOLATE COWBOY HATS THAT MEN CAN BUY FOR THEIR PENISES?
I may or may not have puked in the ladies room. Now I get to convince my client to go to substance abuse treatment. Oh, the irony.
Slept with a member of the band last night, found out today after extensive stalking he’s engaged. Pro tip: don’t research one night stands.
It was very surreal. They were listening to a religious podcast on morality while they both went down on me.
Randomize
