Last-second stop at the drug store for lube and condoms. Clerk said "So uhmmm...that's a done deal, huh?"
High five!
so I was like, you know platform 9 3/4? I know something else with those measurements. best. pick up line. ever.
When you wake up, I have rum and am in town
i know you like preteen girls so i'm gonna offer you some advice...dump a bucket of glitter on yourself and walk into the sunlight. they will come running.
i'm about to rub a glazed donut on my face just so it feels like you're here
I'm. Arresyed bur sierra ue obbe of mt vet friends. I hope we can tyajk ane gwt ob the same page. Ur aweaome ttyl.
I totally just somersaulted to the bathroom to avoid moving out of my fetal position
I don't know if I should be concerned or impressed.
Hi future me, I saved you a big mac under the bed.
Just got offered a dog by two Meth head's one of which wasn't wearing shoes and continually saying "fuck"
We were apparently using marine hand signals to communicate to one another where to meet up in the house to hook up.
Didn't even know I knew marine hand signals.
This guy kept trying to use "see? I'm clean. Cleared by the plasma place today." as a pick up line. This is not okay.
For a guy who came before his dick was out of his pants, he gave surprisingly good head.
I just told 2 of my vibrators "I love you." I seriously need some dick.
I cannot belive our party caught on fire
3 hour lecture of my biology teacher talking about isotopes and space shuttles. I'm way too high for this.
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