"Ever since I killed her kid she be actin' shady." Actual quote overheard at Marine World just now. Oh God.
everyone is single if you try hard enough
Should I shave my pubes in the shape of a top hat so I can nickname my junk Abe Lincoln?
just used a blowie as payment for him having to take the dog out to let her poop.
Double fisting Gray Goose bottles. We've officially ruined her.
I'm so tired of waking up with my bed full of deli meats.
You were sitting on the filthy kitchen floor eating a packet of grated cheese, and you were crying because you couldn't find any cheese.. I'd say our party was a success.
he just gave me a love letter in polish. he thinks i speak polish. I DONT SPEAK POLISH
you are never too drunk for berry picking
Head-banging is a very stupid way to injur yourself. But this opinion is also coming from somebody who can't walk right because they cut their asshole shaving last night, so it probably has little to no merit.
Owwwww. Yeah. I can barely move unless Im high on vicodin. We are bad at drinking/balancing. We will be the first to break hips and have to go into a home.
I'm excited I love mornings when I'm not sober
Not my lover. I would rather lose all my teeth, and I fucking love my teeth.
She is still drunk from the night before, sitting here eating KFC mashed potatoes and drinking Arbor Mist before Anatomy lab.
Why did I wake up with a half-eaten burrito and a vaccuum cleaner in my bed? ...on top of me.
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