everytime he calls himself the maxipad master i can't help but wonder what costume that would involve.
he was screaming in a recently acquired accent that he paid for delivery and they could cancel the entire order if they didn't come upstairs
I thought you said it was going to get worse not hilarious.
the delivery boy turned out to be my students mother. now she knows that i have incredibly low standards AND thanks to the fact that he still has dialup the pizza tracker was way off and she rang the bell and he answered mid bong rip.
I woke up and found 10 txts from him. All sent at 6:30 am, and all about the muffin man.
where did this taco bell managers name tag come from ?
We're watching a video in class about cheese. The scoring for it sounds like that of a Lifetime movie. My mind is creative. I've continued my own story in my head of a wheel of cheese that was raped and murdered. It's so sad. I hope they get the guy. Btw, the video is about marketing.
Please just fuck her. She's new to LA and doesn't know anyone nice.
I kinda feel like I was hit by a Prius. Just glad it's not bus status.
I forgot that places existed where drinking on Sunday is frowned upon. It's just so unreasonable.
I smell like lime and condoms and I really want a waffle. Fuk
We played table tennis, but used tv remotes taped to our foreheads instead of paddles. Every time your opponent scored you took a shot. I'm the current champion as of last night.
I didn't think I was even that high but when we were standing in the cop car's headlights I totally forgot how to use my arms
Told him I just wanted to be friends. He responded, "The best marriages are born from great friendships." Please come get me.
Dude, exfoliate your balls. you'll thank me later.
It's been three years since Kelly shit in the to go box that we put in Sam's mailbox after we broke up. Considering Sam and I are friends again, should I finally tell him?
I just remembered how you stole the slinky from me. Bitch, I will NEVER forgive you.
Randomize
