And then i made him answer questions about me before i took off my clothes
Girls behind me in the library are trying to outslut each other with stories from last semester. I'm about to set my cock on the table between them and label it "tie breaker"
No one actually likes Tequila. They just accept it as a fact of life. Like hpv.
He tried peeing out of the sunroof.
this kid is using one arm to help his buddy with a keg stand, and the other arm to hold up the chick he's making out with.
I feel wrong giving my mom a cash gift full of dirty stripper money.
Upside of a two-day migraine: thanks to a prominent "E" in the middle of every pill, I think we can totally pass off Excedrine Migraine as ecstasy to stupid, drunk freshman. This is totally going to happen. That entrepreneurship course is paying off.
no i had to finish in the bathroom to a pic of her mom in a bikini.
On the plus side I got to ride in a fire truck and I didn't have to blow anybody for it
Your christmas gifts are already wrapped, how on top of my shit am I?
I'm hungover as fuck and had to break into my own house by throwing a cinder block through my back door at 4am. You're more on top of your shit than me.
Welcome to the south, dude. Gives the phrase "I wish you a dry ass" a new perspective.
If waking up at 6 50 pm every day and getting invited to go have sex as you wake up is what alcoholism is like I can get use to this.
found one of my socks in the dishwsaher... xanax
Im going to seductively wisper "that butters my biscuit" in your ear
Casey, if you want the continuing love of our mother, you're gonna need to stop drunk texting her from PCB.
Randomize
