Just found a glow stick inside of my vagina..
With the amount of traffic your vagina gets, it was only a matter of time before someone threw a rave there.
i looked at dads computer and apparently he was looking at job ads on craigslist and the only one clicked that turned purple said "GET PAID TO MASTURBATE"
she moaned out jack bauer's name while i was banging her...
Do you understand how much easier life would be if fannypacks were normal
battery dying...get laid and text me after...or during...its whatever.
I just undressed him with my eyes. And gave him a 10 inch penis. I hope its true.
Apparently I'm at the point in my life where I can wake up with a dick in my face and then go back to sleep
I wouldn't have puked last night if I didn't inhale straight pepper from you shattering the pepper shaker on the wall.
Literally lying on a futon being hand fed bacon
Fuck you.
Your dress got me laid by one of Obama's Secret Service members. Patriotic duty, check.
I'm going to crush up my last 7 Percocets into a fine powder and toss my popcorn in it.
Chicks, chicks everywhere, and not a drop to drink. Dude, when did real life lesbians get HOT?
I’M DRUNK AND EXCITED.
Just did coke off my highschool yearbook. Not much has changed in 5 years.
And now Google thinks I have a hard hat fetish...maybe I do...
Randomize
