Don't EVER smell your tampon
ALTON JUST DID GRAVY SHOTS. THIS IS WHY HE'S MY HERO
They're taking me to ER. Mistasnkingly. Come get me.
Your 'drink of the future' makes sense now- you feel it for atleast 10 hours into the future
i have a feeling i am the only one who can successfully pull off the "slutty kentucky derby" look.
i'm pretty sure i can feel a baby kicking just looking at him. if he didnt impregnate you, you officially have an iron-clad uterus.
who's idea was it to start the NCAA tournament less than a week after St. Patrick's day? My liver needs time to recover for things like this.
I mean I kinda plunged vagina first into my last relationship
So my parents just watched me pour their rum into a bottle and only add crystal light powder, no water... Talk about being judged. All I could say was "Cortland tricks?"
I'm about to be a GTA V widow, he could at least throw me a bone. Literally.
I just saw my 7th grade teacher at the club. We had a pretty good talk over drinks. Turns out we both like dancing on tables.
I may or may not have just let Ash Ketchum capture my wild Pikachu in a parking lot.
She showed up at 4:30 in the morning HAMMERED, stripped, demanded sex, then after 4 failed attempts stopped me mid-thrust to tell me she thought we should be fucking for a cause, like animal rights. Process that for a second. She wanted us to be fucking for animal rights.
I just woke up and there was a condom wrapper stuck in my hair. This is my life.
Didn't you sleepover at your grandparents?
walked into my room this morning clutching two empty bottles of sminoff to find my roommate's ultra conservative parents staring at my posters of naked men. fuck parents weekend.
Randomize