The mall is playing a fucking country mix of lady marmalade.
welcome to maine.
If she's not going to maintain the upkeep of her vag then I'm not going to pay the rent of being her boyfriend
Instead of peeing my cute lil blue panties I peed in the train parking lot in front of an asian.
Some girl in the stall next to me just yelled "fuck yes i started my period!" she came out of the stall and we high fived. who am i to judge? i do that every month.
There I was staring at a teeny weeny black one and a huge white one. It was like an episode of Myth Busters
as he pulled out he yelled "no kids!" and then passed out on top of me
I just beer bonged. Soco and spite please get on my levvl my hair is in buns
On the one year anniversary of me loosing my virginity... thousands of people will be taking their pants of on subways all around the world
It's like a tribute to you being a slut
Want to come over and rub aloe on my tits?
I just burped smoke on the bus. Hello 6:48am
I mean.. listen to "Put It In My Mouth" and you'll get the gist of my voicemail for you.
No it'll be my boobs and the luge part will be from my nipples. Everyone will be sucking beer from my perfectly sculpted and partially melted tits.
I understand, but unless there is an intervention for me being planned, i DON NOT want to talk about my life choices
Welp last night I made out with the guy who slices my deli meat at publix. I'm sure there's a joke there but I'm too hungover to find it. Go noles.
Can I bother you for a second.
You always bother me but go on.
Randomize
