Did you know Kal Penn works at the white house? That's almost white castle.
his dog just threw up on me too. its like im a throwup magnet to that family.
Bartending School is so much more enjoyable now that I realized I was in rehab at this time last year.
We got a Christmas tree, decorated it to surprise his wife And kids who were out of town for her father's funeral, then fucked like rabbits on their new mattress before he had to pick them up at the airport.
She's an ex-convict. She actually got stabbed in the face with a pen while in prison. No big deal.
I'd rate him "doable" on a scale from "ew, run" to "you should've already fucked him".
That's about an "8" on normal scales.
I'm lonelier than Tom Hanks in Cast Away, right meow. Ready to make this bong my Wilson.
Here's my first problem: I'm drunk
Human centipede...with the teletubbies. That's what my nightmare had in it.
I don't even want to know.
I got inside last night via doggy door
Woohoo! Instead of a pregnancy test you can buy me a burrito
Can you tell dad to stop liking and sharing porn on FB again?
I guess I'm famous. Hot lesbian was WARNED about me. Still hooked up with her.
I'll pay you to teach me.
Did April legit get married in a parking lot?
It may be a corded vibrator from the 90s but it gets the job DONE
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