His pubic hair was longer than his dick
Hurry up I might actually study if I am left alone
She threw up everywhere and is crying about a fictional character who died on Grey's Anatomy
I woke up with a fake mustache stuck to my chest and I can't even hold down water.
The "don't get cum on anything" rule also applies to my furniture and scarves
That's not technology. Doesn't count.
I know this is random but to this day I regret not having sex with you on that atv on the top of that mountain underneath the American flag.
yeah its nbd she just bit me in the face. be there soon
I have no idea how I got home or why I am naked but I assume I owe you a thank you...
i woke up this morning and saw her in my bed and i said to myself, I think I might have a drinking problem.
I'm so excited for post-beer fest chipotle. It will be better than scared shitless pre-go karting chipotle.
I almost got on a bus to Langley Air Force Base. 99% sure that's not where I wanna be.
I CAN FEEL MY HEART BEATING MY WHOLE BODY
I feel like my cat and I are playing mind games. I need more friends.
Whiskey. Because sometimes it's fun to have your hands go numb.
Sorry for face licking, I probably won't do it again.
Also, I love cats. I sat on the floor and they sat with me.
Randomize
