Helping high family members not look retarded is what family is for
When I unzipped my pants I said "Release the Cracken"... she dug it so we're getting married soon.
I've done unspeakable things to your penis. I have every right to give it a name.
He told her, Don't talk. Just sit there so I can imagine that you have the kind of personality I wish you had.
i need to buy one of the child leashes to wear at mardi gras or else im never making it out alive
Just pissed by glowstick light. Bad idea.
Okay. thanks for sacraficing your body and risking aids for our snowcone business.
My hair is crimped, I am walking with a roadie, and my vibrator is in my purse. I feel sorry for tomorrow.
sriracha body shots, that's gonna be a thing
it's like you just said "i want you to suffer"
your ability to divide cases of beer among any given group of people equally was missed.
I can't. I mean he's hot, but there's really nothing else there
You just said he's hot
NO YOU DON'T UNDERSTAND
We were on the beach when you spilled sand in the bottle and said "relax it's vodka, it'll disinfect itself"
This is the best 30th birthday ever. In a Motel 6 drinking a shower beer and sending slow-mo dick helicopter videos to you.
Yep. Just fucked a 34 year old on the football field where we both went to high school. That's a story for the grandkids.
Standing straight up with intensity he came in his own mouth. I know this because he showed me the video from five different angles when asked if I would like him to demonstrate. And I did.
Randomize
