i friday night watching house. god, i need a life, friends, and a legitimate fake id.
my family just sang happy birthday to baby jesus. no ones even drunk yet
He just made his dick say "woof" and howl at me. can you pick me up?
I'm pretty sure you're not supposed to hit on someone with another guy's semen in your hair. not even at ihop.
RJ thinks I should put one of the muffins in my vagina. Good idea or bad idea?
My professor just used the phrase "balls deep in your mind". My day is officially made.
You'd think if the campus holds 28,000 undergrad I wouldn't run into three people I've hooked up with in one day
This breakup hit defcon 5. Walked to pathmark with a denim jacket over my nightgown to get ben and jerrys. On sale btw.
You don't know scared until you've just begun the first stage of an acid trip till a guy on stilts with a creepy mustache and beard says "enter the Forrest"
She invited me to Bikini Yoga with her friends. Sounds promising.
Not a or good or bad impression, just that you were all basically naked playing beer bong in sombreros and ties. Casual.
Got hit on by the cable guy. Solid 9. Think Orlando Bloom with a glorious curly mullet.
I have need of you to return home with haste, as I require the magical capsules you possess to relieve the posterior pain I am living. I battle this demon with stubborn grit, however I feel that defeat is on the horizon.
Life lesson: if a hot naked girl tells you to spit on something, you spit on it. No questions.
I really need to get a comfy set of masturbating shoes
Randomize
