Take your time, they're doing body shots off the dog.
we were boning in the bathroom when her boyfriend came upstairs. I wish i could remember what happened next more clearly, because it had to have been hilarious
I was to drunk to walk in jimmy john's so I called and got a pickle delivered to me outside the bar , too much?
she bonged a coffee cause she was hungover. then she bonged a beer cause she got ambitious. then she barfed. then she had to start over again.
Some girl at the bar was showing us her chipped tooth as a pick up line.
I think I was using my hair to catch my vomit last night.
You were.
Please tell me joes at work safe and sound and doesn't smell like jail?
I think his roommates are using word magnets to tell me that they can hear us. His fridge currently says, "Chris ate out naughty girl."
I'm sitting on the toilet just to avoid my bosses look of disapproval
We got the DJ into it too! "If there are any dudes into other dudes out there, my man mark is looking to get pounded. Buy him a drink stat!"
She's cute. And her snoring noises remind me of the incidental music from Jaws.
so... i have a picture of you and three other girls making kissy faces at this giant stuffed banana you're holding. however, you seem to be violently screaming at it.
Those bitches did NOT have my back.
My dog and I just went outside to pee together.
She super glued his penis to his testicles. And shaved off a good portion of his hair after he passed out at the party.
Some sorority went “Dick or Treating” at a frat house and now the Halloween parties are canceled
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