its raining. im dressed as yoda and im trick or treating alone. and i wonder why im still a virgin..
I just egged your windshield and it froze on contact. Have fun with that.
I had to explain to the waiter that I'm not the DD because I can't drive, but as the Designated 'Make Sure No One Gets Roofied Or Hit By A Car On The Walk Home'-er, I should still get the free drinks.
The sad thing is; I'm getting used to walking around feeling like I could hurl at any minute.
Multiple bruises and a hell of a headache later, I have still to find out where the fuck I picked up the bottom half of a mannequin.
I always "accidentally" drop a condom and make sure she sees it's a magnum. By the time I'm inside her and she realizes how small I am, it's all over in a flash and I'm done. Plus, they never call back so I never have to see the girl ever again. #gratefulforprematuretinypenis
Is there a special protocol when the stripper has a Boba Fett tattoo?
I'm all for hockey players but dude, he asked me to lick his chipped tooth mid-hook up.
THERE IS NOT ENOUGH CAPSLOCK IN THE HISTORY OF THE WORLD TO EXPRESS MY CURRENT STATE OF WHAT THE FUCK JUST HAPPENED
Wait, just ask him if can you can join in. You haven't lived until you've taken part in a threesome with your father...or so I've heard
fuck you and your stupid hot as hell face
Like, she can be the shepard of the gays. Delivering him unto homosexuality.
I stopped him mid keg stand to show him how cute my bra was...
Mom said it is up to us to plan Thanksgiving. Hooters or Scores?
Or???
Well I only snuggle him I don't hump him. That's rude.
Randomize
