guy from last night has fluorescent crocs in his closet. judging by the rest of his clothes he doesn't wear them in an ironic way
You were offering to spell people's name for a dollar.
I never thought I would say this but I have to clean queso off my vibrator
THERE IS SOMEONE IN MY CAR MILKING HERSELF AND TELLING ME TO TRY IT
I keep looking at his nude pics and crying because ill never see it in person again.
i just wrote an ode to an enchilada dorito. i'll need that pregnancy test now please.
god it feels good to gold a bottle of opiates again.
I think that typo was actually more appropriate than what you intended.
Someone's vagina was extra sandy cause the left side of my bed feels like the beach.
Last night I dreamt that I sold my car and used the money to have wheels surgically implanted in my feet and legs so I became a human heely and I just rolled everywhere
But I mean how many guys can say they get blow jobs and grilled cheese with football
I wanna die. I can't recall the last time I was happy that doesn't involve your hand touching my butt.
I feel like I put a fire out with my hand but idk if that was a dream or not
You were out of control then you fell asleep on his lap for 30 min and woke up civil. Way to powernap to sobriety!
I haven't even lived here for 24 hours yet, and I've already banged someone. My new hoe life is off to a great start.
The girl at the liquor store remembered me as "the girl who pays in hundreds" so she didn't ID me
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