I'm in a cab, in a strange city, and my driver looks like he's going to eat me. My facebook password is **** I want you to have the one thing I hold dearest to my heart.
No, I can't hang out with Dave because he already has a girlfriend. The one with the tatoos of cherries on her "cherry." Yeah, she doesn't really make me feel spectacularly comfortable.
im glad we only fight about serious things like the hills and disney scene it
the hot woman interviewing me is reading jokes off the back of laffy taffy.... I'm getting laid and possibly a job
So i learned you can't hair-of-a-dog jaeger hangovers.
Dude..this is the third year in a row me and him have fucked at a super bowl party..does that count as a tradition?
He hasn't left the hospital without a nurse's number all year. My nurses are always ugly or men. Wtf bro
He filled four shots of Everclear and walked around saying "FREE VODKA SHOTS". he is to blame.
My taste buds are fucked up, everything tastes like fire after last night.
there's cocaine on the ipad again........... was your sister here last night?
He also reminds me slightly of a pirate which i find strangely attractive
HOW DID I LET MYSELF GET SUCKED IN HE HAS A PENIS FOR PETE'S SAKE.
skyped with him for 45 min in the bath while i shaved my legs. new level in the relashionship
Questions: How did Rachel get home? Why did I find both her ID's in my shoes? And does anyone know if she's alive?
Your mom asked you why you had bite marks all over your arms and you answered her by yelling "I HAD A SIESTA!"
Randomize
