Currently having a discussion about how bad cheating is with the girl im dating and the girl im fucking. This might be a sign that i need to reassess my life
If my bosses could see, smell or hear me right now they would understand why its a horrible idea to keep the office open sundays
Watching water boil has never been so amazing. I love wake-and-bakes.
There are too many people on this bus for it to be even REMOTELY okay that I'm wearing a puke covered sweater
I think my mom knows im high. It could be because im slow dancing with my cat in the kitchen. The dip and kiss is what gave it away.
I had to wash my hair with conditioner because my sister got hammered and gave the dog a 3am sprinkler bath with my shampoo.
I mean I'm screaming I love the gays in the middle of Bart so yeah
She said she had a surprise for me and sent me a video of her having sex with some fat dude. It was a mood killer
Also I'm proud of us for having an educational conversation in this group text.
I found her in my pantry with her shirt off twerking...I tapped her on the shoulder and she said she was giving Chef Boyardee a show and to give her a minute...
Don't be alarmed when we finally get naked and I let out a WOOHOO!!!
lesbians are really intense tho, she made me take her eye makeup off and told me she was going to eat me for breakfast
Well, personally I like to keep my blackmail in well organised folders.
DETAILS
long story
just tell me the parts i wanna hear
weed, brooklyn, rough sex.
I woke up alone, naked in her bed staring at a lifesize poster of edward cullen,actually I'm lying I did have socks on
Randomize
