Someone shit on the floor
you're kinda like the weird girl from The Breakfast Club after the makeover. i mean you're pretty, but you're still weird as fuck
For future references, orgasms clear sinuses.
I had to throw a towel over the bottles cuz it hurts to look at them
Can we get blazed at 9:06 on sunday and reenact the moment of my birth?
I get to be your mom.
How do you think the people in my class would react if I ripped all my clothes off and jumped on him right now?
So feel off my bed lastnight into the trashcan. On the plus side i thought under my bed was a cave and i went exsploring
I want to get "Patrick Kane" wasted tonight
I am one hundred percent down for that
I'm jealous that you can use my boobs as pillows & I can't.
I will find, mount, and marry that person.
Look I'm really hungover so let's try this again. In 5 mins you're gonna call me and tell me that you're on your way with xannies, iced coffee and a back rub
My boss just texted me, clearly drunk, and said get down here pronto with a handle of rum, 50 lbs. of cold cuts, and a BB gun. This is not why I went to law school.
my gyno just used the expression "dick around." too far?
Like sometimes I’ll be hangry but for dick
I think I just sharted jello shots
Randomize
