Fat chicks shouldn't bartend
I got tired of walking to the bathroom that I decided to throw up in a cup. I now have 3 cups full of vomit on top of my mini fridge
If your dick isn't up when i get home you're catching tonight.
We drank a $4 handle of tequila until 5 am. Please think about that.
We decided I could make bicurious-jitos or ho-meh-jitos or heteroflexible-jitos. But not homojitos.
I dont think he was a real cab driver. I think he was just a creepy guy with a van.
I'm stoned and just shared 4 cookies with this chicks dog
They're raisins though so they're healthy. No worries.
she just stared at nothing and then looked at me and goes, "that's a weird place to put the wall"
You should have thought about how you were going to treat me before having me take photos of your asshole.
I think I ripped my underwear last night doing drunk squats
I asked him to explain what he meant by "hooking up" in paragraph form
She is carving a little coffin out of some wood for her hamster that died. I'm flying home tonight.
I've scurried myself in your trunk come find me in the morning
How do I word.. " hey, I need you to fuck me really hard and see if you or I can feel my birth control. No worries, this is just an experiment." In a nice way without them feeling used.
And on the 323rd day without sex, God finally said let there be light...or love?
Randomize
