Only a mothe r could love this liver
Let me tell you a story about the rise and fall of my self esteem
Their bromance is so intense that they don't even eye-fuck when they see each other....they eye-make-love.
Its 11am everyones wasted wearing sombreros and eating fresh produce..cesar chavez would be very proud
Nothing says "get your life together" better than waking up in a tub full of your own vomit. Twice. In one night.
My walk of shame was far more interesting today. He's moving and was cleaning out his apartment, so not only was I carrying my clothes, I also walked away with 4 bottles of cheap wine and a jar of ragu.
Just shook hands with the bud light truck driver, thanked him for his service to our country
My mom slipped a condom in my pocket along with a sticky note that said "be safe sweetie."
YOU WERE HAVING SEX IN THE SAME BED I WAS SLEEPING IN. AND YOU GRABBED MY HAIR. OF COURSE I'M PISSED.
Come over. We have tacos... And girls who took their clothes off. But mainly, tacos.
It's Saturday night and I'm sitting on my couch by myself, watching Glee, and drinking gin and tonics. If you listen very closely, you can hear the wails of my mother giving up hope that I will ever give her a son-in-law.
So im waiting for someone at grand central and i look up AND THE ENTIRE BALCONY IS FILLED WITH BOY SCOUTS I AM TERRIFIED
I know it's anime porn but I promise you the guy looks like Fred Durst
I'm not saying I love you. I never said I love you. I said that if earth blew up like Krypton you'd be the only person I would like to have inside me when our bodies burn up in a fiery inferno
Im playing a game I have to take a drink every time my gram asks me the same question hammered by 4 guaranteed...
Randomize
