My eyes are so dilated i literally have night vision right now.
you are the weird ass hat to my lady gaga
He cummed in my mouth, then said he had to go because his best friend broke his foot falling off of a balcony, put twenty dollars in my hand and was gone before I could even swallow...
i had to do the walk of shame dressed as a leprechaun. I have never been more proud of my irish roots.
He's pole dancing on a heat lamp.
We won't have time to talk.. I'll be rolling you a blunt and you'll be getting naked.
I'm finally in my bed, my pants are off, and there's no pee on my carpet this is the best life has been all day
i mean hes a break dancing puerto rican, how do you think the sex was?
I will run into the sunset with a fist full of condoms.
Coming straight to your house after the flight. If not in Federal Prison for disobeying peanut laws.
You gotta do what you gotta do. Like how I gotta drive in the rain to go get chicken nuggets. I just gotta.
My mom just asked if I wanted a mimosa when I got out of the bath.
I think everything's gonna be okay.
No, no... It was great. I feel like my liver took a vodka shower and washed it's hair with pabst
you said, "the pool was totally tequila. and i left my shoe halfway across town. and by shoe i mean car" it appeared to me that you didn't have your shoes or car.
I will warn you that there is a pic of me riding a buffalo....and for the record, I was completely sober!!
Randomize
