I cheated on you last night. I slept with my laptop.
ugh.. my birth control just came out of my nose. wtf?
Dude also, my grandma got me condoms for easter and kind of winked. I don't know what to think
He is going overseas for 8 months, not only was that blowjob a going away present, but i was supporting the troops
It's called penis withdraw. Or alcoholism. I get them confused these days.
She stole my hamster. idk who she was, she just walked in and said she knew Keith so she stayed, drank 6 beers, and then stole Charles.
I'm love that we're talking about a possible 3rd 3some, and that you're going to be a dad.
i got shots of sambuca dumped on my head last night. my bag still smells like licorice. making me nauseous.
it is a nice little reminder of the bruins dominance. if Vancouver had won, it would somehow smell of maple syrup.
It was just a reflex. BOOM I kicked her in the face
Walking into the first day of college is like walking into a meat market. A meat market of sex.
You might call them booze related cuts, I call it "partying so hard you sweat blood"
thanks for piggy backing me around for the rest of the night when I got too drunk to stand.
And that facial hair. He might as well shave it so it spells "douche" on one cheek and "nozzle" on the other.
I mean, I already saw his dick in person and wasn't impressed so why is he sending me a picture of it, anyway? I hate re-runs!
I made out with a guy dressed as the pdx airport carpet.
Portlandia didn't prepare you for that?
Randomize
