Are you missing anything? I found a wedding ring in my bed this morning.....
so when we got to the frat house he had a travel sized toothpaste and toothbrush for me and gave me a pair of his shorts and a girl's sorority t shirt...something tells me he's done this before
What the fuck. The girl next to me just looked at her phone, put her stuff away, and popped a birth control and ran out of class. Lucky fucking guy.
we couldn't afford a big pool so we bought 2 kiddie pools and put the inflatable beer pong table inbetween. get over here. now.
Some guy seriously just got Jimmy Johns delivered to him at the graduation ceremony. This cannot be real life.
Oh just chilling alone with a stranger baby while everyone else clambakes the bathroom. Probation is the reason there is bad things in the world.
i wondered why i had so many splinters in my hand, then i went out to my car and remembered id stolen an entire cactus
I walked in her room to find her rubbing lotion on her face high as fuck.
I know more about this girls vagina than I know about her personality
Either you got hacked or we need to have a serious discussion about sending penis enlargement emails to your straight friends and why you shouldn't. It sends the wrong message.
just texted my dealer that i could taste the blue but not the cheese. i said i could taste blue.
I was so high I didn't realize I'd put on someone else's bra. I thought my boobs had shrunk.
Apparently, acid is a good substitute for cash if you don't have any! Who knew?
The assignment was about the Industrial Revolution so I just screamed at them in a British accent all day. No, they didn't know I was hungover.
Nothing like a near-death experience to start off your Thanksgiving...
Randomize
