Don't feel obligated to get back to me but I think I just fell in love with a middle aged waitress at the Dennys in waco. She's used but in good condition.
we put the last xanax in the middle and played hungry hungry hippos to see whod get it
fair is fair
We all told you to throw up but you just stuck your head in the toilet and screamed..
She bit me. She gave me a brief pity cuddle. I gave her an awkward backrub, somehow I thought it would be a good idea to include the vagina in that. It wasn't.
Gin and redbull in a wine glass. They think I'm keeping my wits with a really yellow Chardonnay. Gonna get ugly after a couple.
Did you know that scruff feels epic on boobs especially when they are covered in whip cream?
All I remember is waking up with 3 penises pointed at my face. I also remember enjoying that a lot. And then I threw up in their shower.
James this is colleen. This is my new number. You just texted my grandma about getting cockblocked. Congratulations.
It's gay softball weekend. Lots of hot gay strangers to go home with.
I have a rash on my arm from the cat litter. Think the cat will be mad that I peed in its box?
My one night stand just messaged me and said he is praying for me...
It's 9:07 in the morning and I am so hungover right now I'm about to take the kids I'm babysitting to mf'ing Popeyes bc that's all I want in this world
I woke up this morning hand cuffed to the bed with three bruised ribs and Amy written in lipstick on my chest... what happen lastnite??
I woke up handcuffed to a bed wearing nothing but an army belt. Does this count as thanking our country?
Do thigh high boots and a ball gag count as a costume?
Randomize
