Solid performance last night. Wanna be fuck buddies?
I can tuck mytits in my pants
but his dog just died...ill send him an edible arrangement or a 6 pack or something
I turned down free cocaine. I both respect and regret and that decision.
You've slept with me you know how lazy I am in bed.
Last two new years I ended in jail by 12. Can we wait until its actually 12:02 this time to do something stupid. I'd like to spend the first minute of 2012 free.. At least.
That chick who made out with a door is here. Want her number??
Sounds good. Look at us. Planning sex like proper adults.
The bathroom smells like ribs. What did you do?
I spent three hours in the ER last night to figure out that my friend just had to take a shit
Oh my god. We just got locked out of our cabin and went to the neighbor's to see if they had a key and caught the neighbor jerking it. My night > your night
So I "accidentally" brought my road beers into church for this wedding
And they fell out of my pocket on the pew. Made quite a noise...safe to say I'm batting a thousand
After we won that round of beer pong you attempted to swallow the winning ball whole claiming you had the mouth and jaw of a snake.
A snake? I must've been gone...
After that you got naked and hissed at people the rest of the night..
It's difficult to focus on bonds when you know your classmate peed in your mouth
im having flashbacks to my time in a waffle cult composed of 9 to 14 year olds
Randomize
