90% of the problems in your life are directly related to your vagina
It's 3am, i just got back from ht e bars and registered for classes larteeeeee. History of baseball at 8am? at least ill meet the only stragiht gusy at NYU!
While my grandpa showed the family a slide show he accidentally included a topless photo of his new gf.
he/she has shaved legs and makeup on. but a spare tire stomach, high socks with high heels...a wig and glasses. and still talked like a man. it was a nightmare scenario
hey remember that 14 year old i met 5 years ago who i said i would bang 5 years from then?
Yup.
I made him tell me how he proposed to his wife before I'd bang him. I have a problem.
i just saw that homeless guy who dresses like the cat in the hat at the liquor store. i guess he got enough change to have a good weekend. oh the places he'll go
in fingerprint form on my ass. Seriously not cool. \ni bruiiiseeee like a delicate fruiiiitttt. Heeeaaarrr the rythymmm
And apparently midway I said "hurry up and finish so we can talk about what a bad idea this was"
I needed to do something spontaneous, and since no one had coke this was the next best thing.
As we were about to go at it, his roommates barged in singing jumper by third eye blind. Weirdest almost one night stand ever.
Did I tell you I bit someone's arm for you last night
So apparently I twerked on my coworkers last night. One month at the new job n I guess this is how I'm getting to know people
I got a discount on the lube for giving the cashier focaccia bread from work.
You make me want to do things that I'm pretty sure are illegal.
Randomize
