Your dad touched me again.
My boss just told me $1,000 at a six hour event wouldn't be worth her time. She makes $70k a yr. and apparently never learned multiplication.
I woke up at 2 pm to my roommate checking my pulse.
Being back home for the summer opens up so many opportunities to have sex without increasing my number
We gave a starfish gin and Lucky Charms. I think it enjoyed it. Best trip to the beach ever.
there has got to be a maximum amount of semen a person can take in before they get some kind of poisoning.
There's a point around the one and a half minute mark where the keg stand goes from impressive to pathetic
Is 9am too early to be eating a mozzarella stick I found in my purse? Yeah didnt think so. The fact that it tastes like vomit is concerning but not importanta.
we are still finding bottels filled with his pee. tom almost drank the one in the frig
Nothing says "I mean business" like using a cart at the liquor store.
Well I think I made it pretty obvious I wasn't in to it. I was drinking a beer while he was going down in me
He blacked out and wouldnt drink anything unless he funneled it, so I made him funnel water
I love her so much I can forgive her for wearing crocs
(440): please tell me you didn't have sex in my dress.. IT'S A VIRGIN DRESS.
I finished my first whiskey and I'm waiting to have a second one in celebration when your pregnancy test comes back negative
Randomize
