this is amzing! feels like my body is having sex with its surroundings!
i think the whole apartment complex could hear you beating off last night
Whats the name of the guy with his hand down my pants?
Before he took off his pants he paused and said, "Remember..sometimes great things come in small packages."
Just KTHXBAIed an old man for staring at me
Just croosed over that too drunk for chemistry class line
BTW, it's bullshit to say that not doing a shot is unpatriotic. You know how I fall for that.
Weer fine. went to buiy cigxs, but hes theonly one waering shoes. He caem out wti chicke fingers instead. whatecer, there th 8 dollar kind.
Lmao. We just snorted some mystery powder uriah found packged up in my car, that i know has been in there almost a year... Its adventure time.
Whenever I walk away from the group without saying anything, NEVER assume I'm just going to the bathroom.
Just Everbombed a Guiness to make up for cutting out early last night. Also the Mars probe. Happy birthday motherfucker!
Vagic. Defined as a kind of magic one has over a girl's vagina. Used in a sentence... he's an accomplished vagician.
The moment when you and your BFF compare frequently used emojis and realize you have similar mental disorders and a really weak alibi.
There's a potato with a bite taken out of it in the kitchen
Don't be weirded out, but my bondage straps are made of my ex boyfriend's curtains
Randomize
