Dude, I couldnt get it up cause she said her parents were home...
ok, come over...I have doritos
guys i just found a dildo in the laundry room and its purple
whats a dildo? isnt that like a fancy piece of bread?
I think my tv knows when im high and tells taco bell
Wow, Pearl Harbor and The Notebook are on. Its like the Im going to kill myself marathon.
you mean i was at the winter classic?
Why doesn't the washer have a puke setting?
Well it involved jumping two nine foot fences. But when you mix alcohol and persistence you can't lose.
And then you asked me why my legs were so thick and started measuring them with a ruler
His roommates came in the room and were throwing snowballs at us while we were hooking up.
I was wondering why are people staring at me til I realized I was bra-less with a lei around my neck
As of right now, my vibrator and a bag of snickers share the same drawer
you started putting peanut butter on your pubes.
I bet you my entire life savings of $0 that there's a Doctor Who porn parody and that it features the sonic screwdriver being inserted into some cavities
....even the bartender was embarrassed for her
I was in line at Panera when I got the pic you sent to your coworker. I just showed your vag to a soccer mom. The vibrator was a nice touch.
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