Me too ba-by. I wanna bite your ear lobes they are so fat.
So my shaver died while I was trimming...ya know. And now it is half way done. I don't think there's currently any aesthetic in keeping it this way...
i told my doctor i had 3 partners and one unprotected.. shes a cute little indian lady i couldnt break her heart
I told him "thank you for wearing a turtleneck yesterday, I no longer have a strong erg to have sex with you. " He is no longer speaking to me.
even the AIR tastes like tequila.
This whole night would have been avoided if the liquor store had air heads
He has horses apparently. I wonder if we could fuck while riding a horse or if that's too dangerous.
Synchronized big wheels back flips off the second floor roof. Good idea or great idea?
Nothing bad can happen when you have a kiwi flavored condom. Absolutely nothing.
I came in and I guess my parents didn't hear me. My dad just said "Don't be lazy, RIDE IT." to my mom. Never coming home again.
I was less embarrassed asking him to torrent the teen mom's porn. I'm not gonna ask him to about season 4 of PLL.
You slept on a pillow of digiorno
Dead. I am actually dead. Also, worst nightmare confirmed: throwing up in a four hundred person lecture.
My phone has started autocorrecting "monogamy" to "monogamish"
She's better-looking with the mask on.
Randomize
