he broke up with me while standing outside, half naked, waiting to fuck him. i feel like a leper right about now.
just saw 2 fat kids fight for the last slice of pizza. Litteraly fight. God Bless America
It took us hanging out like four times to kiss. Id like to fuck you before I'm 30
so far we have 6 big wheels and 10 boxes of wine for the tour de franzia. team drunkslut is favored to win the yellow jersey.
Dude you have to come get or im gonna nail this 64 y/o woman as repayment for buying me shots of jager
I THREW AWAY MY VIBRATOR BECAUSE IT INTIMIDATED HIM. WORST. DECISION. EVER
In other news, someone I've had sex with won jeopardy last night.
It is becoming increasingly more likely that my entire halloween costume will be entirely composed of borrowed clothing from the two girls I'm hooking up
I thought you wanted to talk?
What part of "Lets have angry sex" means I want to talk?
We were licking ciroc off the poker table
No you don't understand. This tree is really alive. Like in Pocahontas.
you can only text me tonight if its in drake lyrics. thats the rule
How does one get out of sexting without being rude? I'm trying to watch Downtown Abbey
You drunk? Cause I have a terrible idea...
Sometimes I look at her and just start choking. She is that much of an evil entity.
Randomize
