I just had unprotected sex with a stranger. but i did him wearing nothing but my pearls. so its classy.
he was so hot that i framed the used condom. it's not trash, it's art.
Dude you can sell sperm for 100 to 250 bucks a time. And the best part is there will be kids all over the world that will have me as a daddy. It's like I'm jerking off my way into ruling the world
You came on your own forehead. Just wanted to remind you that.
She's the only one so far who hasn't laughed at me naked.... I'm gonna marry her.
I feel my soul being ripped out of my eye sockets
Woke up this morning naked, wrapped in a bath mat with a wad of singles on the table. I'm calling it a win.
The amount of drugs I did this weekend make me concerned about my health but at the same time fascinated to see if I could do more
A 74 year old man offered to let me sleep on his pull out couch last night.
guys with girlfriends don't have a leg to stand on when they get mad at you for fucking other guys
A dry HJ only, please. I don't deserve the comforts of lube after my horrendous fantasy football performance
Yeah he told me he wanted a serious relationship, but he's posting pictures of his dick on Kik.
whatever bro. i had ice cream and whiskey for breakfast and its noon. this is the second worst christmas ever.
Rule number 1 of dorm living: do not forget your butt plug in the bathroom.
i asked your drunk ass where the fuck you were going and you screamed “WENDY’S BITCH”.
Randomize
