Just saw some airport workers running through the terminal with liquor bottles. That's my kind of emergency.
so I woke up without pants, but my cardigan was still on and fully buttoned. curious.
I can see why you broke up with her now... it was like having sex with a corpse.
You just kept yelling at the cabby "I own this cab" and insisted on smoking with all the windows up
When you gave the girl your number the fat girl was like "take mine....here please take mine"
Meet me at the corner of "what the fuck" and"how'd you get in my bed" in 10 minutes.
It's not really that big. Girls just think it feels big. It's a cocktical illusion.
The taxi driver was going on about how many drunk chicks want to sleep with him when he drives them home. Not sure if he was bragging or hinting
All I know is that I'm not gonna send out SOS messages via twitter for your rescue this time.
The two girls sitting next to me are asking siri "Like, uh, how do you know my name?". Do I fuck with them or fuck them?
I got back from work this morning after working the night shift to find an NFL player scaling the side of our apartment...from your window. He just took sneaking out to all new level. Care to explain?
I think that about sums it up, actually.
I smell like a skunk, but I'm okay with that.
He wants another date...I mean he's cute, but I just am not ready to give up my glamorous single-girl lifestyle here.
you mean the one where you drink out of the carton and don't wear pants?
Yeah, and pee with the door open. It's the little things.
You're doing screenings before you set me up again- no child sized dicks allowed.
Reverse road head. Sa-witch!!!
Randomize
