Need sex. Gaining weight.
Her vagina smelled like chicken
why do you say that
chicken smells like everything
Its trashy in the best of ways. Like a stripper working to pay for college.
And it was confirmed to me that I did in fact cut my girlfriend out of her dress with my sword.
we made out at a charity event. really i was helping the fight against aids...
I should have known I was in trouble when you started pouring shots all over me
I still can't believe he turned down that threesome with us in central park. He must be really committed.
Here's how he asked the pregnant girl for a cigarette. Hey yo prego throw me a square. Not joking.
In the future, could you not call me 'bro' while we're having sex?
I just watched my ex butt chug a quart of eggnog. Why did I dump her again?
Which is worse that I came in public or that no one noticed?
he went down on me while I ate Oreos. I don't know what caused the orgasm.
I want to eat a stick of butter
Did your pain meds kick in?
It tastes nice
Wait... where the hell did you even find a live OCTOPUS, let alone green eggs and ham?
When the paramedic asked Logan how he fell he explained that he was trying to lick his eyeball, missed and tripped over his own tongue.
Randomize
