She just fell in the river. Meet us downstream with the bottle.
She said her hobbies include bangin guys on one night stands and then sending them facebook relationship requests the next morning just to freak em out
I want to be ashamed of the things we do this weekend
I slept with an Israeli and a Palestinian in the same day. It feels wrong.
Someone's shaving their pubes at work every Monday and it's starting to piss me off
I mean come on
Last night you texted me "tqiirkykbg doe freedom always"... why?
I found a briefcase foll of fireworks in my old bedroom...that's an appropriate thing to bring to a wedding, right?
Look man if you're looking for a voice of reason, you're talking to the wrong woman.
If he doesn't fuck you on the 4th of July, he doesn't really love this country.
You can trust me. I'm unemployed and not wearing pants.
I swear to god if I have to repeat this to you one more mother fucking time I will flip fucking shit and acidic rain will pour down upon your mother fucking soul
just so you know they found you begging for money at the L station. What the fuck did you drink last night?
dollar rum and cokes, see you on the dark side of infinity
She squirted. We were both surprised. I'm that good.
I've never met a penis that didn't think I was awesome.
just bought safety googles to wear so he can cum on my face and not in my eye. SAFETY FIRST!
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