The maid of honor just puked.
# days @ Coachella: 1 people i showed how to break it down: 279
needless to say, I hope she has to get an abortion again
matt and i tucked you in... you REFUSED to move your head from under the bed.
I just had to MC for a middle school event with jizz on my dress. I'm going to hell.
he turned down sex AND sandwiches. who the hell does that?!
He's acting like I should like him more than vodka and Taco Bell, but I just don't ser that happening.
the amount of chicks and firearms here is unnerving. this will end awesomely or at the morgue.
How are you not embarrassed to know me. I'm a mess right now. I'm a walking, talking tornado of embarrassment
we found him passed out on the baseball field with two 40oz and wearing a tophat.
Where did he get the tophat?
It's like the dark age of my sex life being stuck here
how drunk are you?
Several
At 3:00am my whole house started smelling like cooking meat. I have no idea why she thought it was a good idea to crock-pot a WHOLE turkey that early in the morning.
It will pretty much be equal to the feeling I had when you let me hold your dick while you were peeing, or when I graduated high school!
You know what i hate? I hate when the ppl you drunkenly made out with actually want to talk to you sober. It just doesn't work that way sir.
Randomize
