When the moon hits your eye like a big pizza pie, you're a dumbass
Sometimes he's such a bitch I forget that he's not actually a girl. Last night I asked him if I could borrow a tampon.
He had some in his pocket. That was weird.
I took chris brown's side in the conversation ... cut to me not getting laid tonight
Well i just learned hong kong is a country...thank you olympics
When they arrested me, they gave me a bracelet with my mugshot and info. When you get one they can be our BFF Bracelets.
not much sitting here stoned eating my little sisters halloween candy and judging each individual hersheys candy bar and after much deliberation by the selection committee the original hersheys chocolate bar won
What's the best way to say, "it's too early in our relationship to leave me at your place alone"? Steal something?
Lol okay. He's gonna show up with like a trunk of sex toys. He's like the mary poppins of hotel fucking.
Why is it so hot and why are these the only pants in my life.
Get here, there are important joints to be smoked and pies to be eaten
Body shots with my MILFs MILF!!
All I did was send my mom an ecard
My mom legitimately hired a private eye on me. DO YOU KNOW HOW EXCITING MY LIFE JUST GOT???
Just woke up with an entire pack of Oreos in my cheetah onesie. I've been waiting for this moment forever.
The crowd is chanting "we want sex!" There's a man dressed as bacon. That is all
She's not allowed to do acid anymore... she started crying because she thought she was an eagle.
Randomize
