Ok a condom literally fell out of my underwear this morning, i have never been so confused.
I was so high I couldnt even listen to music i was terrified of the potential knowledge i would gain.
screw that ipod for my birthday.. i just want a weed brownie the size of my face. that's all.
You know what is really helpful - when the two guys you want to fuck stand next to each other. Stay tuned for who wins
It was like a lincoln log. Seriously. I don't know who's more pissed, me or my vagina...worst.hookup.ever.
You tried telling the RA that girl you brought home was your mom...
What can I say, he stumbled upon the key to my heart: orgasms and mac 'n cheese.
Wish i knew who the f is sending me pics of asian newborns.
I'm gonna let my dick speak for itself from now on. Seriously, it's always recruiting for me even after 6 hours of drinking.
I feel like a pizza delivery girl of vagina tho
Dude just the look on his face when she sat down next to him, threw one leg over his, and just said "so..." was fucking amazing
I have a burn on my hand, I'm covered in bruises, I think my toe is broken, and I have no clothes to wear home.
We're in an alley with a psychic wizard, shes reading our palms
The party pretty much ended once she shit on the couch
I've never sung with balls in my mouth
Randomize
