hey my socially awkward cousin is our designated driver for summer, we just have to put up with her wierd shit.
Freshman orientation day on campus. Dear diary, JACKPOT.
Thanks for FaceTime'ing with that ugly chick last night while me and her friend were in the other room. it's good to know I can still count on my wingman even when we're 2000 miles apart
HE COULDN'T FIND IT! WHAT KIND OF QUARTERBACK CAN'T FIND IT?!
She passed out in his mom's bed and when we went to go get her she went 'no its cool I live here'.
I'm watching people hook up tonight who, when they wake up tomorrow, are going to wish they were blind.
How external is "for external use only"?
candyland with pharmaceuticals ... what could go wrong
cops woke me up on the sidewalk and asked where my shoes are.. fuck if i know, im sleeping on the sidewalk! actually i didnt say that, i just cried until they gave me a ride home.
Oh no. Did you guys fuck on my pull out couch?
My sexual preferences tend to require a degree in psychology to understand
Why is there a business card for people who need bail bonds in my wallet...
When I get off work and you're not around to hang out with all I do is lay around in my underwear and eat potatoes.
Who the fresh hell put 2 pillows a raincoat and a guitar on top of me to keep me warm last night
Im going for myspace 2006 goth bitch. Your worst nightmare
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