your life is more of a joke than dina lohan.
if you\'re going to compare me please pick the classy one. Michael Lohan.
Nothing says "I love you" like a full raw dog.
i wish there was an iPhone app that lets you write a TeXt LiKe tHiS
dude...come out of the closet already
today is the best snowday of my entire life. also its no shirt day.
Only you could manage to look like a complete slut while wearing a turtle neck.
You took a bag of frozen peas to bed wiith you "to help with the inflamation".
Fucking him was like shopping for my first training bra.. Embarrassing yet extremely useful
So many lesbians keep hitting on me. I'm about to give up and just go home with the manliest one.
no, i remember trying to staple my nipples together. I just can't figure out where the hell stapler came from.
I tried to bribe him with road head and his toothbrush.
How bad is the voicemail?
You graded my boobs.... C minus. Asshole.
Ps I got my nipple pierced. You're just gonna have to accept me for the tool I am and I don't wanna hear any shenanigans.
fond memories of taking my pregnancy test here in this Burger King
I'm having shoppers remorse over a dildo
Drunk me left sober me a shower beer in expectation of Hurricane Harvey. Drunk me is the best.
Randomize
