Evryone should know as good ramen noodle cooked in beer sounds... its not
you left a giant bottle of vodka in my room from last night. does this serve as a parting gift or hush money?
wait so...it's like an actual thing to masturbate using the detachable shower head? WTF I thought I was being creative!
Just role played anchorman. And yes, I did take her to pleasure town.
Sitting here wishing there were men in my life.
me too. too bad ive decided to fill that hole with cookie dough, closing the door to future men one fat cell at a time.
Its only.eleven and we are already chasing a man on a bike with a bag full of burger king
For u too. Could be years before u have a finger in ur ass
Just found weed in an empty handle. Who knew Capitan Morgan was also a gardener?
The porch is breathing.
STAY OUT OF MY SHROOMS YOU CUNT
Also, I just opened Google to find the lyrics to California Gurls. Karaoke night did us dirty.
Does puke ruin car paint? Good thing it's raining.
MY DAD KEEPS LIKING PORN LINKS/ALBUMS ON FACEBOOK AND THEY ALL SHOW UP IN MY NEWSFEED
I am now gainfully employed. Parents, lock up your children.
Yay! Welcome to the world of "you're seriously trusting me with your kid?"
Just bought 2 liters of wine and frozen waffles for dinner. Is this 30?
If I didn't have booty calls, my apartment would never get clean
Randomize
